Strength
What would you do if one day you woke up and realised you lost a limb? Or lost your vision, your auditory senses? To be honest, I might just rather die.
That was what Will Traynor from Me Before You chose too. Without doubt, that would also be the choice of many others.
But it wasn't what the students in Rainbow Centre did. I was an apprentice special needs educator in Rainbow Centre while taking my gap year. One might argue that this was because they were born with the disabilities and thus were already accustomed to it. Being accustomed to it doesn't take away the pain nor lessen it.
It baffles me how they could continue doing what they are doing. Seeing them as they are gives me strength.
I have seen a 15 year old dressing himself as fast as I could, and mind you he did it only with 2 arms and 3 fingers.
A 11 year old student in pram once pat my head to comfort me after another fellow teacher told me about his condition and background. He was born a normal child, but at the age of 3-4, he contracted meningitis, and even though he survived, he wasn't the same again.
At 11, he had a fully grown head, paired with an extremely under-grown body. His body is that of a toddler. He is unable to walk, or talk, and struggles to even roll. He expresses himself through pictures and simple body language. Cognitively, he is functioning so he understands what was spoken to him. He is even able to observe some minor changes about his classmates and his surroundings, and convey these information to us. By that time I was already with the school for almost a year, I have seen many deformed fingers and toes but when I saw his, I was taken aback. I felt nauseous. It was the one of the worst I have ever seen. That moment I teared up a bit, trying to digest what I saw. I was squatting down, head bowed, while he was on the pram. He immediately pat my head, got me to look up, and pulled away his deformed feet, and signed, "I am happy." He was giving his widest grin and constantly trying to do the "happy" sign. Man, that boy is strong. He strengthens me more than I have ever strengthened him.
Seeing him as he is gives me strength.
PS, It's an incomplete post because of how emotional I got thinking about him and all our interactions. I want to express how much inspiration I got from them, and the strength and resilience I saw in them. Some of them are actually aware that they don't have much time to live, and still they do their best in whatever expected of them.
PPS, To M, I'm sorry I didn't and couldn't do much for you. You gave me that motivation to get my shit together.